I realized that every blog's title should reflect its content in the best way possible. The common theme for me is that being a submissive man, I am full of questions and desires which may never be answered. I hope it isn't being seen as a negative thing, because it isn't. But it is the best way I can describe the daily lifestyle of a submissive man in a vanilla world.
I looked down at my orgasm denial clock, and it has been 25 days. Wow. And I can tell you that I feel every single day of it built up right now. I was even fantasizing about licking a hot guy's asshole last night. That's about as horny as it gets for me. Hopefully my wife will reward me with some much needed relief this weekend.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Just a tiny update
I have been told that I am not going to get my three week release. We have made arrangements to have dinner and stay in a hotel room next weekend, so it is worth suffering one more week of horniness and frustration. Needless to say, I will be locked up until then.
I also have some news on the Bull that never was. As mentioned in past entries, we were supposed to meet up with a guy who shared a mutual attraction with my wife. But he backed out with no explanation. Well recently I went to the swingers site where my wife found him, and I noticed that he had positive recommendations from eight different members. It turns out that he is in fact real in the community. So I decided to drop him a line just to ask why he backed out, and see if he would respond. He did respond, and said that he just didn't believe we were real. Can you believe that? That's all it was. I feel like I'm being tortured. Here was the perfect match for my wife, a guy who was perfect for a cuckold relationship, and he doesn't believe us. Is there some kind of karma getting back at me for wanting to do this in the first place?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Why do I want to be a Cuckold?
I understand the biological explanation of why certain men want their wives to have sex with other men. If you believe in the theory of sperm competition, it makes perfect sense that a man could get aroused at even the thought of his wife cheating on him. And it also makes perfect sense that most men do not like the idea at all because of what we have been taught as a society. For the men that can get past this rage of jealousy, it makes perfect sense that they would want to grab their cheating wife and have mind blowing sex with them.
What my question pertains to is my own desires of being a cuckold. It is not the same as that which is mentioned above. I have written before on this subject, and have explained the extreme situations that fill my fantasies. I truly want to lose the privilege of having intercourse with my wife. I want her to find a Bull and for him to be her primary sexual partner. I want them to demote me to nothing but an oral sex provider, and I think I'd even be fine if all I got to do was lick her feet. As long as I was still allowed to hug her, cuddle with her in bed, give her massages, and kiss and worship her feet, I would welcome all other boundaries.
What is scaring me is that these desires are becoming greater and greater. It is always said to be careful what you wish for. But the fact that I want to experience it first hand and deal with the consequences that come with it says it all. It almost feels like it is becoming less of a desire and more of a need. Sometimes I think I might need therapy or counseling or something. But don't worry, I don't push this lifestyle on my wife as much as my desires want me to. All I have done is suggest this to her and tell her how much it turns me on. I do not say that I need this to happen, nor do I suggest that I would be mad if she didn't want to. I just say that it would put me on cloud nine if it did happen. And she has told me that it's ok for me to want this because she finds the idea hot as well.
I guess I'm trying to figure out why just having a hotwife isn't enough.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Medical Fantasy Part 2
So in part one, I'm put on a program to help raise my sperm count. This time I go into detail about the program and how I deal with it.
For the first month, I am very horny and have a hard time dealing with the fact that I can do nothing about it. On top of that, my wife seems more horny as well, so I am regulated to giving her oral every time she wants it and I get nothing. A master key to the chastity device is at the clinic and one copy was given to my wife in case of emergency. But we were told that it would have to be an extreme emergency such as my penis or scrotum losing circulation or intense swelling. I beg and beg my wife to let me out since she has a key and she stands firm on what the doctor says. She also makes me feel ashamed of myself for undermining the doctor's wishes. I apologize a lot because I am so frustrated.
On my 1 month visit, my wife and I go to the doctor's office and sit down in front of his desk like the first time. He asks how things went the first month, and my wife tells him of my horniness and frustration, and even admits to him that I had asked her to unlock me. He says that it is common for husbands to be frustrated, but he is not happy with my intentions of cheating the program. He then turns to me and starts to treat me like a child. He says that if I am going to keep up this nonsense, he will have to take away the spare key from my wife and she'll have to ask for it if there's an emergency. Then he asks me if I understand. I reply with "Yes Sir." At that point it has been made crystal clear that the doctor is in complete control over me and the situation.
The nurse gets me for my sample. I walk away while the doctor engages in some flirty chat with my wife. When I get in the room, the nurse is joined by a trainee, a female college student that is learning the program. The main nurse then explains to me how the sampling works, but I notice she's talking to me like I'm a child, much like the doctor did. She tells me that she has heard about my trying to tamper with the program and she needs to keep a close eye on me. She then orders me to strip completely naked and present a clean shaven genital area. I was told earlier to do this for hygene reasons. Also for hygene reasons, I'm not the one who stimulates my penis to produce the sample, the nurse does it with rubber gloves.
She takes off the chastity device and starts to clean the area. This gives me an instant erection and she comments to the trainee that this usually happens because "Little boys can't control themselves". After cleaning, she takes a measuring tape and measures my erection's length and thickness, then tells the trainee who records it on a sheet. She then grabs the sample cup and starts to stroke with rubber gloves. It takes about ten seconds, and my load starts to fill the cup. She starts laughing and jokes with the trainee about how quickly I came. The trainee laughs and then the main nurse tells me to get dressed and wait in the room. I wait in the room until the doctor and my wife come in. He tells us that we'll meet again next month and that it was nice to see my wife again. She says the same with a smile.
The 2 month visit was pretty much the same, except for the fact that I came even earlier in the cup. After cleaning my genitals, I report that I am ready to fill the cup. The nurse quickly grabs the cup and fills it with no stimulation on her part. I wait until my wife and the doctor come and get me.
Each month is about the same. I'm treated more and more like a child, I ejaculate immediately, but one difference is that each measurement becomes shorter and shorter. By the fifth month, I measure at a full inch shorter. I start to worry. When the doctor comes in, I voice my concern about my shrinking penis, but he laughs and tells me to quit being such a worry wart, everything will be fine, as he gives me a pat on the head. He then tells my wife that he will see her next month, and gives her a hug, and walks out.
On the drive home, I express my concern for my wife's flirting with the doctor and how he seems to be shrinking my penis. She lashes back and ridicules me for questioning their new found friendship and questioning his methods. She puts me in my place and I eventually apologize.
Finally, in my fantasy, around the seventh or eighth month, I've shrunk a full two inches and I'm left with a tiny penis. After the sample is taken, the doctor calls me back into his office to join he and my wife. He announces that there is good news. My sperm count is up where it needs to be. Then he says he has other good news. My wife gets up and walks toward him and they kiss each other on the lips. He then says that the best news is that my wife is twelve weeks pregnant. After my jaw drops, my wife says that I was so good in chastity that I'm going to be kept that way.
The End
For the first month, I am very horny and have a hard time dealing with the fact that I can do nothing about it. On top of that, my wife seems more horny as well, so I am regulated to giving her oral every time she wants it and I get nothing. A master key to the chastity device is at the clinic and one copy was given to my wife in case of emergency. But we were told that it would have to be an extreme emergency such as my penis or scrotum losing circulation or intense swelling. I beg and beg my wife to let me out since she has a key and she stands firm on what the doctor says. She also makes me feel ashamed of myself for undermining the doctor's wishes. I apologize a lot because I am so frustrated.
On my 1 month visit, my wife and I go to the doctor's office and sit down in front of his desk like the first time. He asks how things went the first month, and my wife tells him of my horniness and frustration, and even admits to him that I had asked her to unlock me. He says that it is common for husbands to be frustrated, but he is not happy with my intentions of cheating the program. He then turns to me and starts to treat me like a child. He says that if I am going to keep up this nonsense, he will have to take away the spare key from my wife and she'll have to ask for it if there's an emergency. Then he asks me if I understand. I reply with "Yes Sir." At that point it has been made crystal clear that the doctor is in complete control over me and the situation.
The nurse gets me for my sample. I walk away while the doctor engages in some flirty chat with my wife. When I get in the room, the nurse is joined by a trainee, a female college student that is learning the program. The main nurse then explains to me how the sampling works, but I notice she's talking to me like I'm a child, much like the doctor did. She tells me that she has heard about my trying to tamper with the program and she needs to keep a close eye on me. She then orders me to strip completely naked and present a clean shaven genital area. I was told earlier to do this for hygene reasons. Also for hygene reasons, I'm not the one who stimulates my penis to produce the sample, the nurse does it with rubber gloves.
She takes off the chastity device and starts to clean the area. This gives me an instant erection and she comments to the trainee that this usually happens because "Little boys can't control themselves". After cleaning, she takes a measuring tape and measures my erection's length and thickness, then tells the trainee who records it on a sheet. She then grabs the sample cup and starts to stroke with rubber gloves. It takes about ten seconds, and my load starts to fill the cup. She starts laughing and jokes with the trainee about how quickly I came. The trainee laughs and then the main nurse tells me to get dressed and wait in the room. I wait in the room until the doctor and my wife come in. He tells us that we'll meet again next month and that it was nice to see my wife again. She says the same with a smile.
The 2 month visit was pretty much the same, except for the fact that I came even earlier in the cup. After cleaning my genitals, I report that I am ready to fill the cup. The nurse quickly grabs the cup and fills it with no stimulation on her part. I wait until my wife and the doctor come and get me.
Each month is about the same. I'm treated more and more like a child, I ejaculate immediately, but one difference is that each measurement becomes shorter and shorter. By the fifth month, I measure at a full inch shorter. I start to worry. When the doctor comes in, I voice my concern about my shrinking penis, but he laughs and tells me to quit being such a worry wart, everything will be fine, as he gives me a pat on the head. He then tells my wife that he will see her next month, and gives her a hug, and walks out.
On the drive home, I express my concern for my wife's flirting with the doctor and how he seems to be shrinking my penis. She lashes back and ridicules me for questioning their new found friendship and questioning his methods. She puts me in my place and I eventually apologize.
Finally, in my fantasy, around the seventh or eighth month, I've shrunk a full two inches and I'm left with a tiny penis. After the sample is taken, the doctor calls me back into his office to join he and my wife. He announces that there is good news. My sperm count is up where it needs to be. Then he says he has other good news. My wife gets up and walks toward him and they kiss each other on the lips. He then says that the best news is that my wife is twelve weeks pregnant. After my jaw drops, my wife says that I was so good in chastity that I'm going to be kept that way.
The End
The Medical Fantasy
One of my biggest fantasies I can ever imagine has a medical twist. What happens is, I try to get my wife pregnant for months and months, but nothing happens. We go to a fertility specialist. The specialist is a man, early 40's, and very attractive. My wife and I go to his office and he immediately greets my wife first. She gives the introductory greetings on behalf of both of us, and they exchange a few more words. Finally, she introduces him to me and we shake hands. He says hello and I do the same. Then he has us sit down in front of his desk.
He then asks us to tell him what has transpired and what we'd like to achieve. Before I can say a word, my wife proceeds to tell the whole story as if I am not capable of speaking on our behalf. She explains how we have tried and tried many different techniques, during ovulation and also having me save up my sperm before trying to conceive. I start to get uncomfortable being exposed like this, but what makes it even more uncomfortable is the way my wife and the doctor look at each other in such a playful, flirty way while talking about something so serious. After telling him everything, he tells her, without even glancing at me, that this happens more common these days with infertile husbands. He tells her that I should now go and take a sperm sample. I feel that I need to be heard, so I speak up and say "Ok, I can do that." He still never takes his eyes off of my wife.
A nurse is called into his office to take me to get a sperm sample. I look to my wife and suggest that maybe she come along to make the process easier. The doctor chimes in and says that he would like to discuss some details with her while I do my thing. She looks at me and jokingly asks if I'm going to be alright by myself. She then starts to laugh along with the doctor, as they exchange even more looks. I am taken away.
I am led into a room much like you see in doctors' offices. The nurse tells me to strip below the belt. I do so and she does not leave. Instead, she hands me a cup and tells me to produce my sample. I am embarassed and cannot get erect. She tells me to relax and adds that after all, she has done this a thousand times before, in a very calming voice that compliments her hot blonde milf-like looks. I start an erection as I stroke.
"That's it." she says, adding to the eroticism that gets me going. The fact that she's staring at me was first intimidating, but I work it to my advantage as I start my orgasm. She seems startled that I am cumming so soon. I shoot a huge load into the sample cup. She puts on her rubber gloves and takes the sample.
"You can get dressed now." she says as she starts out the door. "When you're dressed, wait in here for your results."
I think to myself, wait in here? It could take forever. I want to go back into the doctor's main office with my wife. What could they be talking about?
After what seems like forever, the doctor, nurse, and my wife all show up in the room. The doctor is given the results, and he explains that I have a low sperm count but it can be fixed. There is a program that would work perfectly for me. It will take some time, but my sperm count will go up and I will be fertile. The program requires me not only to take some pills, but also to wear a chastity device and I would not be able to have sex with my wife until after the sperm count is at the level it needs to be. I will be brought in once a month to produce a sperm sample and that will be the only time I will be allowed to ejaculate during this program. I look to my wife in a disapproving way, but she immediately looks at the doctor and agrees that we will start the program immediately.
To be continued...
He then asks us to tell him what has transpired and what we'd like to achieve. Before I can say a word, my wife proceeds to tell the whole story as if I am not capable of speaking on our behalf. She explains how we have tried and tried many different techniques, during ovulation and also having me save up my sperm before trying to conceive. I start to get uncomfortable being exposed like this, but what makes it even more uncomfortable is the way my wife and the doctor look at each other in such a playful, flirty way while talking about something so serious. After telling him everything, he tells her, without even glancing at me, that this happens more common these days with infertile husbands. He tells her that I should now go and take a sperm sample. I feel that I need to be heard, so I speak up and say "Ok, I can do that." He still never takes his eyes off of my wife.
A nurse is called into his office to take me to get a sperm sample. I look to my wife and suggest that maybe she come along to make the process easier. The doctor chimes in and says that he would like to discuss some details with her while I do my thing. She looks at me and jokingly asks if I'm going to be alright by myself. She then starts to laugh along with the doctor, as they exchange even more looks. I am taken away.
I am led into a room much like you see in doctors' offices. The nurse tells me to strip below the belt. I do so and she does not leave. Instead, she hands me a cup and tells me to produce my sample. I am embarassed and cannot get erect. She tells me to relax and adds that after all, she has done this a thousand times before, in a very calming voice that compliments her hot blonde milf-like looks. I start an erection as I stroke.
"That's it." she says, adding to the eroticism that gets me going. The fact that she's staring at me was first intimidating, but I work it to my advantage as I start my orgasm. She seems startled that I am cumming so soon. I shoot a huge load into the sample cup. She puts on her rubber gloves and takes the sample.
"You can get dressed now." she says as she starts out the door. "When you're dressed, wait in here for your results."
I think to myself, wait in here? It could take forever. I want to go back into the doctor's main office with my wife. What could they be talking about?
After what seems like forever, the doctor, nurse, and my wife all show up in the room. The doctor is given the results, and he explains that I have a low sperm count but it can be fixed. There is a program that would work perfectly for me. It will take some time, but my sperm count will go up and I will be fertile. The program requires me not only to take some pills, but also to wear a chastity device and I would not be able to have sex with my wife until after the sperm count is at the level it needs to be. I will be brought in once a month to produce a sperm sample and that will be the only time I will be allowed to ejaculate during this program. I look to my wife in a disapproving way, but she immediately looks at the doctor and agrees that we will start the program immediately.
To be continued...
Monday, November 2, 2009
I got another treat!
Let's just say that I pleased my wife enough this weekend to get a promised reward. She told me that I could get a blowjob, complete with an orgasm in her mouth! I've learned not to let opportunities like this pass, so I eagerly accepted my reward. After I gave her an orgasm with my tongue and fingers, she made her way towards my penis. The thought was overwhelming, and I was going to cum immediately. I actually had to hold off the first shot by pinching the head of my penis before she got her lips around me. When I finally got inside of her mouth, my penis was firing shots like crazy and she was swallowing all of it. It is like the most intense feeling in the world, and I am so lucky that she likes doing it for me. I'm going to cherish these opportunities and I'm going to try to get as many as I can from now on.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
More cuckold discussion
This morning, my wife told me she had a very bad dream. She said that even though I would like some of it, it turned out to be horrible for her. In it, we had gone to a sex club, where we put on a very public display of affection until a really hot guy walked up and started talking to us. And the two of them started talking while I walked off and let them be. Here's where it goes bad. Later on, as I came back up to them, the guy had noticed me from being there before. I admitted to her that I had in fact been here to check the place and the people out. It was then found out that I had cheated on her there.
After admitting this dream to me, I could feel it. She was so worried that even though she was going to have fun with other guys, there was still that suspicion that I was going to get involved as a swinger too. I assured her that not only do I not want that, the biggest turn on for me is that I'm not allowed to participate. I told her that it would ruin the whole aspect if I was swinging as well. She let out sort of a sigh of relief and even though she's heard it before, she needed that reassurance.
She then went on to say that she would like to try a swingers club and maybe start out that way, to meet a guy and perhaps go as far as to make out with him. That way she wouldn't feel pressured if we set up an entire hook up with a guy and if she didn't feel it, it would put a damper on the night. This is as fair as fair can be. I understand it completely. I can never be frustrated at a woman with that mindset. She just wants to start from a solid foundation.
She again admitted that she is interested in this and it would be exciting to move forward with this. I again told her that it was the hottest thing in the world to me and I would be ok if she didn't even want to have sex with me if she found the right guy. Her response to that was: "You're sweet."
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